0 Dear Hiring Mgr: I got a job; take that and....

Will E. Wurkornot got a job.  It's taken more than three years, and he's written many letters to many hiring managers.  Now, that Will E is working, he's written a recap to all the hiring managers he's talked to in the past three+ years...
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TO:     Carmen B. Cyrius
           Will Screwehm
           and a multitude of other hiring managers I've met

I apologize to you all.  You can't have me now.  

You have blown it.  

You could have had me; in fact, many of you seemed like you wanted me to work for you, but you never followed through.  

Even though I used to make $100K plus, every year, I was willing to work for $65K, or $50K, or $35K, or just about whatever you offered.  I thought I needed you, and I thought you needed me.  

That was your plan, right?  Take a look at the economy, see how many people are desperate for jobs, and figure out how much that drives your cost requirements down -- you can hire $100K producers for $30K now; those people need jobs.

Well Carmen, Will et al, I don't need a job.  I'm working for myself.  I don't need your piddly offer, your condescending attitudes, your non-existent updates, your false promises, or your "we don't really have any openings now" comments.  I've had it with you.  And, now you can't have it with me.

I started my own company up, and it's flourishing.  Do you know why?  Because I started it on my own, and I treat people with respect, honesty, quality  and service.  What a concept?

It's taken eight months to really get this going (actually, that seems pretty quick), and even though I expected to work alone, I now have three "partners" who have joined me and they are beginning to produce, as well.  These three people know me, know my reputation, understand my plan and share my belief in "no surprises" for my clients.  This could be the best year I've ever had in business.

We want our customers' second transactions even more than their first.  We want to provide the best support possible, and earn that repeat business, that referral business, and that ongoing business that is so important.  We are earning that business now, and it's surprising how quickly the word has spread.  
Mr. Hiring Manager, you should try this.  Treating people right pays big dividends.  Maybe it doesn't matter in HR, but it does in a real business, where pay is based upon performance, and where revenues matter.  

So, to all you hiring managers, let me summarize by saying you won't see me in your office again.  I'm happy, I'm producing, I'm earning a very good income, I have people I like and trust working with me, and I'm treating my clients the way I wish you had treated me.  

There must be a lesson in there somewhere.  Hope you find it.

Will E. Wurkornot -- Providing quality; recommending same

If you want to see a quality company, look at www.curtisfunding.com.  And, if you get a chance, follow that company on LinkedIn -- being new, we need some followers so we can appear more established more quickly.  Thank you to readers who do so.

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Detail: Dear Hiring Mgr: I got a job; take that and....

0 McCrabby quits ranting... writing

This is not quite the end, but close.  This blog will become much less active, starting today.  For those that have not "gotten" the point, or who have not agreed with, or liked, McCrabby's rants, it seems like Thanksgiving is a good time to wrap it up. You'll have one more thing to be thankful for.

McCrabby has written more than 175 posts over the past two years, approximately one every four days, has gotten 100,000+ readers during that time, and had some fun.  He attempted to help job-seekers, but expanded into common sense issues, or lack-of-common-sense, and it's been fun to read the comments from readers, to get some feedback, to help a few out-of-work folks and basically have a license to write about whatever seemed worthy of writing.







But, while you may see an occasional post in the future, the regularity will be gone, and there are several reasons:

1. While the ideas never seem to run out, we've hit most of the job-search ideas that we wanted to hit, and we don't want to turn this into rants, alone.  We're still willing to help job-searchers, and we even helped a reader this week with her resume and cover letter, but there isn't a lot more to hit (so go back and read some of the old posts).
2. Regarding the rants, it's been interesting how readers interpret satire.  McCrabby has been "accused" of being a left-wing, liberal spendthrift,who shouldn't write about politics, and he's been "accused" of being right-wing, tea-party militia, who shouldn't write about politics.  There is a hint of satisfaction that the opinions are that varied.
3. While writing about the Detroit Police Department, Congressional wrong-doings, questionable legal maneuvering, and other non-common-sense topics is interesting and fun (sometimes), these subjects can become depressing, or at least frustrating.  Only so much tongue-in-cheek can be written about greed, power, and stupidity before the reality of our situation hits home.
4. It's time to quit spending time writing for 150-250 readers per day.  It's fun to have an impact, or to at least know that people are reading what you write, but we had hoped to reach many more people, and a non-sponsored blog isn't the best vehicle for reaching thousands of people.  
5. Upsetting people who don't understand satire upsets this writer, as well.  We don't want to upset people; we just wanted to help a little, and maybe make people think a little, and then maybe give them a smile.  We did some of that, but probably not enough.
6. There is no pay for this effort.  If a newspaper, or some other paying source would like to pick up a column, and offer some compensation for the effort, you'll see more writing.  Short of that happening, there won't be much more.  It takes time to write, and while it is something this writer, and every writer I know, finds enjoyable, and therapeutic, he'll write more privately in the future.

So, if you have been a regular reader, thank you.  If you have been an occasional reader, thank you, too.  If this is the first thing you've ever read here, go back and see some older stuff; we think some of it is pretty good.  And, if you have an idea for something that NEEDS to be written, and you want someone to write it, let us know.

 

Thank you to all.

Detail: McCrabby quits ranting... writing

0 Dear Hiring Mgr: You cannot be serious!!

TO:     Carmen B. Cyrius

           Professionals NOT, Inc.

Dear Carmen,

Come on; be serious.

After meeting you last week, and getting your letter today, I just want to make sure I have this correct.  We had two phone interviews, and then you asked me to drive 200 miles to your office for an "in person" interview.  

You didn't offer any reimbursement for my travel time or expense, and you had me in your office for six hours, to meet with, it seemed, your entire company.  

I answered every probing question, I responded to the illegal personal inquiries, and I put up with off-color jokes by obviously-bigoted staff members who seemed to hate everyone unlike them.  

I attempted to appear to fit in, even though I didn't, and your team seemed to feel I was "the perfect fit," as two of your more-senior people expressed to me.   I played the game perfectly. 

I left home at 5:00 a.m. to make sure I was on time for our 9:30 a.m. start, and I drove home after dark.  I got home about 9:00 p.m., after stopping for dinner on the way (on my own dime).

And, now you say that you've delayed the decision process for six months?  You cannot be serious..  Senior management has decided you aren't ready to hire anyone at this time?  The entire process is "ON HOLD?"  

You cannot be serious!!!  Do you have any decency at all?  You cannot be serious..  

You know, there was a well known tennis player, back in the 80s-90s who put that phrase on the map; I've included a video to refresh your memory.

And, you know what???  I didn't fit in with your bigoted, foul-mouthed, non-inclusive group anyway..  Good luck filling that role --  in six months.

You cannot be serious.

Will E. Wurkornot

Un-bigoted & unemployed

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Check out other "Hiring Manager Letters" at our "POSTS WITH COMMON THEMES" at left... 

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Detail: Dear Hiring Mgr: You cannot be serious!!

0 McCrabby's recap -- 25 letters to the hiring manager

McCrabby thinks he's finished this..  The "Dear Hiring Manager" series of letters has reached 25, and there just aren't any more in him...   unless readers can help with a few more ideas.

These letters were first started in January of 2011, and the last was written in August of 2012.  Five of these rank in the top ten for readership over the past 20 months of writing.

So, here is the entire list, in case anyone wants to go back and re-read one.... or 25.  If we've missed an idea, let us know.  If you like one in particular (or hate one), leave a comment on the blog, and if you'd like a response, we'll respond, or email us at  mccrabby@humantransitions.com.

We'll reply.  Or, if you have ideas that haven't been covered, let us know that.

Thanks for reading.

The Series                                           

1. Dear Hiring Mgr:  I Reject YOU!!      ** (more than 10,000 readers)          
2. Dear Hiring Mgr: Thanks for Ignoring Me     
3. Dear Hiring Mgr: You lost my resume??       
4. Dear Hiring Mgr:  You Blew it                     
5. Dear Hiring Mgr:  I'm Soooo Sorry             
6. Dear Hiring Mgr:  I dislike you!!  A lot  
7. Dear Hiring Mgr:  I'll get back to ya..   maybe     
8. Dear Hiring Mgr:  There's a place in heaven for you.. for $12.79
9. Dear Hiring Mgr:  Don't call me; I'm busy..
10. Dear Hiring Mgr: I'm Overqualified?  Is that code for...
11. Wanna tell the hiring manager what you think?
12. Dear Hiring Mgr:  You don't even have an opening??
13. Dear Hiring Mgr:  You're an age-bigot!!
14. Dear Hiring Mgr:  I'd sue your ass, butt....
15. Dear Hiring Mgr:  Thanks for the offer, but...
16. Dear Hiring Mgr:  I hate you
17. Dear Candidate -- the hiring manager responds
18. Hiring mgr scolds applicant
19. Dear Hiring Mgr:  You're a reneger
20. Dear Hiring Mgr:  I'm retiring...   from job searching
21. Dear Hiring Mgr:  How DARE YOU!!
22. Dear Hiring Mgr:  I accept the CEO job -- thank you..
23. Dear Hiring Mgr;  You wanted honesty??  Me, too..
24. Dear Hiring Mgr:  OMG, you wasted my (your) time
25. Dear Hiring Mgr:  You had me at "You're hired."

___________________________________________

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Detail: McCrabby's recap -- 25 letters to the hiring manager

0 Dear Hiring Mgr: You had me at "YOUR HIRED"

TO:  Shirley A. Skahm
         Mystery Shoppers, Inc.

Dear Ms. Skahm,

Thank you; to be honest I wasn't even sure I had the job until I got your letter today with my first assignment.... and my pay  (Wow, no one has ever paid me BEFORE I did the work).  In fact, I am not sure I even remember our interview, but I have had a lot of them.

I just want to make sure I have this right, because I want to be your best employee.  So, let me recap...

I simply take these money orders you sent, and deposit them into my bank.  Then, I take that money and go to the Western Union office and send most of the money you sent me to the person in Lehigh Acres, FL, that you noted in your letter.  Then, I keep $200 for myself.  It seems almost like I'm stealing, since this whole process shouldn't take me more than an hour.

In fact, if you have more jobs to do regularly, I could do several of these a day.  I'm an aggressive worker, and I appreciate the work because I've been searching for work for two years -- this is really going to help me a lot, so you can count on me to do a good job.

I do have a couple of questions (again, just to make sure I'm doing everything correctly):  

1. Is Western Union really such a screwed up company that you want me to mystery shop them (by sending cash) so often?
2. Who is Ahmad Smith in Lehigh Acres, and what does he then do with the money I send him?
3. Why is it so important that I wire the money right after I deposit your money orders?
4. Why did you send me two $995 money orders, when a single one for the entire amount would have been more economical for you?

Thank you again for your trust in me and for giving me this opportunity.  I won't let you down, Ms. Skahm.  

Will E. Wurkornot

Mystery Shopper extraordinaire

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Check out other "Hiring Manager Letters" at our "POSTS WITH COMMON THEMES" at left... 

How 'bout following us on Twitter, or signing up here..    We'd love to see you..

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Detail: Dear Hiring Mgr: You had me at "YOUR HIRED"

0 Dear Hiring Mgr: OMG - you wasted my time.

Have you wasted time in your job search?  Perhaps your time was wasted on-line, or in over-prepping, or in grooming for an interview that didn't come.  Or, perhaps you wasted your time IN the interview.

Will wrote his own letter on this very subject, one of many he has written -- see "Dear Hiring Mgr" topic at left....

________________________

TO:  R. U. Kidden, Hiring Manager

        Not a Clue, Inc.

Dear Mr. Kidden,

I have figured it out.  After our interview of last week, and knowing that there is no way you will ever offer me a job, I wanted to let you know what a waste of time for me (and for you) that interview was.  Perhaps you have a lot of time on your hands, but I'm looking for work, and don't have time to waste in an interview that is apparently being used to fill the number of interviews you're required to do.

I have come to realize now that every significant job opportunity that has come my way is a totally random stroke of luck, having nothing to do with my capability to do the resulting job.

I met a fellow usher at church who introduced me to the best opportunity I ever got, which led me to all subsequent opportunities in my life (OK, maybe that wasn't total luck, as a higher power may have been at work).  But, face it, most opportunities are not a result of your carefully planned job-search.

Mr. Kidden, your question about whether I would ever take work-time to watch videos of the talking dog, or whether I liked to have a family-work balance in my life, or where I see myself in ten years (I'm 61), or am I a team player, all seem to border on the ridiculous.  

First of all, will I admit to you that I plan to watch the talking dog for three hours a day?  Come on Mr. Kidden.  Can you really determine the best candidate from these questions?  


I would never watch the talking dog (more than a couple times) -- I do spend quite a bit of time on facebook, but you never asked that.  Who admits that they are NOT a team player?  Yet, how many really are?  

I once had two employees (both team players in their interviews) square off in the bullpen area, and challenge each other to "step outside."  Come on guys - are we eight?  Maybe the more pertinent interview question would be, "is your maturity level beyond eight?"

Why are hiring managers so incredibly bad at interviewing?  My guess is that you had narrowed your candidates down to one or two, on paper, before you started interviewing 20 candidates.  Why are you wasting my time, and yours?  Quotas?  Too much time on your hands?

By the way, if you did plan to offer me the job, please disregard the rest of this letter -- I accept.  Otherwise, I'll be ushering at church this Sunday.

Will E. Wurkornot

___________________________________________________

Check out other "Hiring Manager Letters" at our "POSTS WITH COMMON THEMES" at left... 

How 'bout following us on Twitter, or signing up here..    We'd love to see you..

You can  "join this site") so we can see your picture.  And follow us on twitter (@curtmacrae), where we don't post much, but we'd love to see you.  McCrabby is no longer on Facebook. 

Detail: Dear Hiring Mgr: OMG - you wasted my time.

0 Dear Hiring Mgr: You wanted honesty? Me, too...

Dear Hiring Mgr: Oh, you wanted honesty?

             That would be nice...

Willie had a really good interview last week.  He messed up one thing, and now he's fixing that with his latest letter to the hiring manager.  This looks like an offer should be coming.

NOTE:  In case the subtlety of the names in these letters is lost on you, McCrabby encourages you to read the name very fast -- if you get it, but didn't notice previously, you might want to re-read a few other hiring manager letters.  Thank you.

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TO:  Isaac S. Cruimall

Dear Mr. Cruimall,

Thank you for spending two hours with me last week, discussing the opportunity you have with HIRAIT Financial.  

While I believe I could be very good at the job we discussed, I think we may have gotten off on a bad foot.  When I asked about a punitive clause in your client contracts and you said, "be honest; I'd like to know what you think," I thought you wanted honesty.  

When I noted that I'd like to work with a customer a second and third time, rather than trying to relieve them of their every penny on a single transaction, I have to admit I thought you wanted honesty.  When you responded that I'd be paid commission on any "extra" money we could extract from the client, I responded with honesty.  I don't think that clicked with you.

So, Mr. Cruimall, I'd like to change my answer.  I need the job, and I'm willing to screw anyone you want me to, as long as I get commission on the effort.  I'm willing to lie to customers, cheat vendors, and back stab my fellow employees, if it means an extra buck in my pocket.  I've seen it work for others, and you've persuaded me.

Heck, you might want to watch your back, once I get in the door.  You've convinced me of the wisdom of this attitude, and the profit backs that up.

I have a friend who once ran a company called AFAB (Anything For A Buck).  

Now, I get it.  And, I want to get it.. the buck that is.

When can I start?

Will E. Wurkornot
ATGA (Anything To Get Ahead)
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Detail: Dear Hiring Mgr: You wanted honesty? Me, too...